Is Your Should Voice Getting in the Way

One of my least favorite words in the English language is “should.”

Why?

Because when I say it to myself (Rebecca, you should really do this, for example), it’s typically said in an authoritative, bearing-down sort of way that feels so disempowering to my spirit.

In the 5 years I’ve been in business and in my 20-plus-year marketing career, I’ve “shoulded” on myself plenty of times.

And more often than not, these “shoulds” have taken me down paths that have felt out of alignment or proved to be bad timing, resulting in some costly, messy or uncomfortable situations—a bad hire for a marketing assistant, investing in a costly online course that I never use, and, more recently, prematurely trying to launch a group coaching program.

What I hear from many women entrepreneurs that I coach and talk to in my community is how easy it can be to get tripped up by this “should” voice.

What happens is it can take you in directions that aren’t aligned with your inner knowing, such as taking on projects that are other people’s priorities or doing marketing activities that the “experts” say to do, but aren’t the right ones for YOU and your ideal clients.

Or you can find yourself stuck and spinning your wheels, so that you’re not building momentum, not consistently attracting new clients and not making the money you’re wanting in your business.

Here are 3 of the most common “should” statements I hear and my tips on how to transform that disempowering voice into soul-inspiring self-talk—and action!

1) I should be further along in my business than I am now.

This thought typically stems from one of these unconscious beliefs:

  • I’m not good enough.
  • Something must be wrong with me.
  • I’m not doing it right.
  • I don’t have what it takes.

To address these hidden beliefs, you need a good healthy dose of self-compassion.

Because without the practice of self-love and acceptance, we can beat ourselves up pretty good—and either push ourselves harder or give up completely.

Self-compassion is definitely not a luxury; it’s necessary for success!

Action: Acknowledge and accept exactly where you are in your business. You can simply say: I am where I am, and I’m OK.

 Secondly, from this place of acceptance, declare that you want more. Say: I am at peace with exactly where I am, and I want to create MORE—more clients, more money, more visibility, and more opportunities to give my gifts.

Finally, ask yourself: From this place of acceptance and desire for more, what support or training do I need to grow to that next level and attract my ideal clients? What do I need to let go of to create space for more of what I want?

2) I should take this client because I need or want the money.

Here are some unconscious beliefs that may be behind this “should”:

  • I better take what comes to me, as there may not be another opportunity like this.
  • This is probably as good as it will get for me.
  • The Universe has brought me this person, so it must mean he/she is the right fit.

Personally, I’ve gone through a lot of growing pains with this one. But this year was a turning point.

For example, earlier in the year, I made the tough decision to let go of a lucrative, but non-ideal client. Once I got still and quiet and asked myself this question: “If I take money off the table, what is the highest good in this situation?” the simple, clear answer I heard is: “Let her go.”

In another situation a few months ago, I quickly passed on a prospective client who I discovered wasn’t the right fit in our initial phone conversation and referred her to another coach who it turns out was thrilled to work with her.

The “old Rebecca” would have stayed longer in both of these situations and tried to work it out—because I used to operate under the paradigm that when money is on the table, I have to stick with it and make it work.

Now, I’ve learned to put a stake in the ground, trust my gut, and say a graceful “no, thank you” to ones who are not ideal.

Action: Practice listening to your intuition and noticing those bodily sensations in your gut. Be willing to pass on non-ideal clients and trust that your enlightened “no’s” will lead you to your ideal “YES’s”!

3) I should do this (fill-in-the-blank) marketing strategy or attend this networking event.

Typically, the unconscious beliefs for this “should” statement are:

  • I don’t want to be left out or get left behind.
  • Everyone else is doing it, so it must mean I need to do it, too.
  • I don’t want to look stupid or uninformed by not engaging in this marketing strategy or attending this event.

I get it. You don’t want to feel left out, not “with it” or like you’re not behind the 8-ball in your business.

But what can happen when you follow these “shoulds” is a big giant feeling of overwhelm—resulting in a lack of clarity and forward movement in your business.

Action: Pick 1-3 marketing strategies you want to focus on for now—that feel right and light for you, your personality and your ideal clients. And simply let go of the rest. You can always come back to them at a later time.

Between now and end of January, I’m offering a limited number of Complimentary Business Clarity Sessions designed to support you in paving a path to a powerful 2017.

This is a laser-focused session to discuss your business and life vision for the New Year. The intention of the session is to clarify where you are now, the transformation you are seeking, and if it makes sense to explore working together.

These complimentary sessions are my way of giving back and fulfilling my mission to support soul-inspired female entrepreneurs to create a big income and an even bigger impact with their gifts.

Go here to request your complimentary session now.

About Rebecca Massoud

Rebecca Massoud, founder of SHINE, is an award-winning business success coach and marketing mentor for soul-inspired women entrepreneurs. She believes it's time for you to move beyond what holds you back in marketing your business and bringing your unique message to the world, so that, individually, you can create an amazing income and amazing joy in your work, and, collectively, we can create an amazing impact.
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It’s official! I’m thrilled to support the amazing @tedxrutgerscamden team and the incredible lineup of speakers as a TEDx speaker coach. 

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Day 1 of my 25th Speak Shine Sell Workshop is a wrap 🎉  I am really loving the intimacy and connection of this small group. These awesome women entrepreneurs are making great progress on their signature talks. And I can’t wait to see what they create in Day 2 tomorrow! 

#speakercoach #signaturetalk #soulfulbusiness #authenticmarketing #publicspeaking #womenentrepreneurs #womensupportingwomen #speakshinesell
Amazing things happen when women gather to create and start to give voice to their gifts, their passion, their vision and their brilliance.⠀
That is exactly what is happening this week at my Speak Shine Sell Workshop.⠀
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Incredible female entrepreneurs are gathering on Zoom to craft or refine their signature talks, so they can reach many more ideal clients on live and virtual stages, and amplify their income and impact.⠀
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This will be my 25th Speak Speak Sell Workshop.⠀
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Yes, you read that right. #25! 🎉 (Photo above is a throwback from 2018.)⠀
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After this one, I'm being guided to pause on offering this workshop for awhile.⠀
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So if you've been thinking about attending Speak Shine Sell, I urge you to join us now!⠀
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Here are a few success stories of clients who have attended Speak Shine Sell and/or I've worked with them privately on their signature talk:⠀
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Two of my clients have now been selected to give a SUE Talk (a TED-style talk like the one I did recently) this December in Orange County!⠀
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One client recently gave a presentation at Greenbuild, the largest conference for green building professionals worldwide, and then promptly booked two more speaking gigs from the contacts she made there.⠀
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One of my Soulful Speakers Club members (and former private client) just launched her first ever, SOLD OUT group program--that was birthed out of developing her signature talk.⠀
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Another Speak Shine Sell attendee and private client doubled (and then tripled!) her income after creating her signature talk and delivering it 1-2 times per month consistently.⠀
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And a Speak Shine Sell attendee after attending the workshop gave a keynote the very next week and booked 3 new clients right away!⠀
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Speak Shine Sell is perfect for you if you're a female coach, consultant, healer, leader or small business owner who has a deep desire to share an inspiring, soulful message--AND attract many more amazing clients to your business.⠀
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You will create, from start to finish, a solid draft of your signature talk--or uplevel the one you already have--so that you are ready to get on virtual & live stages & bring in more money to your business!⠀
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Click link in bio to register.
A signature talk is one of the best ways to attract your perfect clients.⠀
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Having a signature talk and then delivering it in front of groups is exactly how I was able to quickly start and grow my business 9 years ago.⠀
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My very first clients came from giving a workshop in my chiropractor’s waiting room, leading a roundtable at a women’s conference, and speaking at the Optimist Club.⠀
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Having a soulful signature talk ready to go prepares you for the vast speaking opportunities that are available at in-person events (yes, they’re back!) and online.⠀
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Get ready, because many event organizers and groups are looking for experts just like YOU to fill their speaking spots and inspire their audience members.⠀
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What’s really cool is that once you create your signature talk–or evolve it to the next level–you can use it so MANY ways!⠀
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Here are 13 ways my clients and I are getting visible and attracting amazing new clients with our signature talks:⠀
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1) Webinar or online workshop⠀
2) Podcast/radio interview⠀
3) Online global summit⠀
4) Conference breakout presenter or keynote⠀
5) Business networking event⠀
6) TEDx or TED-style talk⠀
7) Facebook Live or post in private FB group⠀
8) Instagram post⠀
9) LinkedIn article⠀
10) Youtube video⠀
11) Blog post or email to list⠀
12) “What do you do?” statement⠀
13) Framework for book⠀
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One of my clients recently spoke at the Greenbuild International Conference and is using her presentation as a framework for a forthcoming book.⠀
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Another client gave the keynote at a global wellness event, and another is speaking to a realtors group and recording videos for her new group coaching program. ⠀
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And my signature talk served as the perfect foundation for my recent TED-style SUE Talk!⠀
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I’d love to support you in crafting your signature talk or fine-tuning your message at my upcoming Speak Shine Sell Workshop.⠀
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We’ll work top to bottom on your talk, and you’ll craft your story, flesh out your content and create a compelling call to action. Or you can take what you already have and evolve it to the next level.⠀
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Click the link in my bio for details!
Amidst all the flurry of my SUE Talk, I've been meaning to let you know I'm teaching my Speak Shine Sell Workshop next week, October 28 & 29, so that you can craft YOUR signature talk! 

I've now coached hundreds of women entrepreneurs on how to use speaking to get visible & attract amazing new clients. It starts with having a signature talk that genuinely expresses who YOU are--and meets an urgent need of your ideal clients. 

I hope you can join me! Oct 28 & 29 (2 half-days) on Zoom. 😍

👉See link in my bio

Thank you to @thedanamagnus of @mktgbrand for the awesome video, too! 

#womenspeakers #speakercoach #publicspeaking #soulfulbusiness #signaturetalk #speakshinesell #transformation #clientattraction #soulfulspeaking
Preparing for my SUE Talk next week has been an amazing experience so far and has come with a few insights:

1) The value of support - Receiving coaching for my talk has made the experience so much more FUN and far less nerve-wracking than if I was doing it on my own. And wise input from others has helped me create a more compelling talk!

2) Every word counts - Distilling my message down to 10 minutes has been a challenge. And it’s helped me clarify the essence of what I'm truly here to share and realize that fewer words can still have enormous impact. 

3) Public speaking still brings me to my edge - I'll be sharing a story that I've never publicly shared before in my upcoming talk, and what an opportunity this process has been to let go of more anxiety, self-doubt and worry about what others will think. 

I can honestly say I'm truly grateful for my “stuff” coming up, so I can consciously release it. 

Thank you for your loving support and being on this journey with me! 💛

#suetalks #womenspeakers #womenempoweringwomen #soulfulbusiness #womenentrepreneurs #publicspeaking #signaturetalk #soulfulspeaking #speakshinesell
This girl is on FIRRRRRRRE! What a journey this has been as I prepare to be one of six presenters for SUE Talks in San Diego next week. The theme is Find Your Fierce, and my TED-style talk title is “3 Dares and a Truth.” 

I’d love your support! Join me LIVE in person or via livestream on Oct. 12th for one incredible evening of bold, passionate and inspiring talks. 😍

 
#suetalks #publicspeaking #womenempoweringwomen 
#soulfulspeaking #publicspeaking #womenentrepreneurs #soulfulbusiness
This amazing guy. I have to stand on a rock now to be taller than him. One of life’s greatest gifts is becoming a mom. Happy National Son’s Day 💙(which was yesterday, btw) 

#nationalsonsday💙 #motherhood #mompreneurlife #thankfulgratefulblessed
Hey there! It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of those introductiony-type things here (truthfully, never). So I thought I’d give it a whirl since it seems like “the thing” to do here on this platform. :)
 
The truth is I’m pretty inconsistent with posting, even though I REALLY want to be consistent. (Consistency is KEY, they say… right?) I’m also told I have to have a social media strategy, branding photos and tons of content to post everyday, PLUS I need to be creating videos, reels and stories to keep you engaged! It all seems so overwhelming at times…
 
Yet. I feel the part that really wants to play the part, look good to you, and look like I really know what I’m doing! (Hence, my smart-looking branding photo that reminds me of when I worked in the corporate world all those years ago.)
 
And. Now I’m 53, have had my business for 9+ years and a lot more perspective. Truly, I’m here to show up as ME, trust myself, trust my timing, trust my WAY, and allow myself to be guided from within. 

I’m a Soulful Speaker Coach and Creator of the popular Speak Shine Sell Workshop to craft your client-attracting signature talk. (There’s one coming up October 28 & 29, btw.)

Women entrepreneurs hire me when they are tired of hiding out or holding back their voice—and long to be fully expressed with their true gifts and message. My clients courageously step into the spotlight with a soulful signature talk (I help them create this) and attract their ideal clients with ease (I help with this, too), as they unapologetically say YES to being seen, heard and highly visible.
 
That’s the cut & paste version :)

And to round out the picture, here’s what a few clients have shared with me recently:
 
Continued in comments below…
Happy Friday, loves. Friday is Venus’ Day and named after the Germanic goddess Frigga. Venus energy is about love, beauty, luxury and abundance. 

Friday mornings I typically put on uplifting tunes, wrap up loose ends from the work week, and tidy up my office. I often schedule my workshops and webinars on Friday mornings, too, because of its "feel good" vibe. 

Then, I love having lunch with my husband at the beach (beauty & romance) and take off in the afternoons for boogie boarding, self-care or a shopping treat. Today it’s boogie boarding! 

What do feel-good Fridays look like for you? 

#soulpreneur #soulfulbusiness #spiritualbusinesscoach #speakercoach #feelgoodfriday #boogieboarding #beachlife #womenempoweringwomen
Happy Thursday, beautiful souls! 

Thursday is Thor's Day, the Norse god of strength and protection. In most Romance languages, the day is named after the Roman god Jupiter. 

Jupiter is associated with growth, expansion, healing, prosperity, good fortune and miracles. 

So Thursdays are another fabulous day for client sessions, meetings, collaboration, networking, connecting, sending emails--as, in my experience, most people tend to be in an expansive, positive mood. (Because, hey, tomorrow is Friday!) 

Sending love to you on this Thursday and hoping you are in a wonderful, life-giving mood. 

Also, a special shout-out to my client @creatively_jessica for her awesome “I love you” t-shirts! 

What is your typical Thursday vibe? 

#soulpreneur #soulfulbusiness #speakercoach #spiritualbusinesscoach #womenempoweringwomen #transformationthursday #daysoftheweek #iloveyou #magicisafoot
I can’t believe I get to dress up and go to my first in-person networking event with these two lovelies, @ananieto1230 and @josee.wecanstyle, today! {photo from 2 years ago}

Wednesday, Mercury's Day, is all about communication and mental energy. Remember the Roman god Mercury, the swift messenger of all the other gods? 

Wednesdays are such a great day to send out your e-newsletter, speak to groups, create a lengthy post on social media, develop curriculum, and attend a networking event! 

I typically have a lot of energy on Wednesdays—I see clients and also schedule my Soulful Speakers group coaching sessions on these days.

Haven’t touched business cards in 18 months, so just now remembering to toss some in my bag before I head out the door! 

What is your Wednesday vibe? 

#soulfulbusiness #soulpreneur #wednesdaywisdom #spiritualbusiness #speakercoach #daysoftheweek #ewomennetwork #fabfempreneurs #spiritualbusinesscoach #womenempoweringwomen #femalenetworking
Did you know that Tuesday is named after the Roman god of war Mars? In Spanish, it’s Martes. Tuesdays are about action, vitality, and passionately going for what you want. 

I spend a lot of time on my laptop on Tuesdays getting sh*t done, seeing clients, and working on projects. The energy moves on these days! 

I also have my weekly strength training sessions on Tuesdays to activate my warrior goddess even more 💪✨💪

It’s no surprise that Tuesday is statistically the most productive day of the week! 

What energetic qualities do you notice on Tuesdays? 

#soulfulbusiness #soulpreneur #speakercoach #spiritualbusiness #transformationtuesday #getshitdone #warriorgoddess #daysoftheweek #spiritualbusinesscoach
Have you noticed that each day of the week has a unique rhythm to it?⠀
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Named after a Greek, Roman or Norse god or goddess, each day contains a powerful archetypal energy. ⠀
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When I became a business owner and started setting up my work week incorporating the energies of each day, it became a game-changer for my business and my wellbeing. ⠀
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For example, Monday is the Moon's Day. Moon energy is feminine, intuitive, creative, emotional and introspective. No wonder I resisted plunging into Monday meetings all those years in the corporate world! 

So I stopped seeing clients on Mondays. It became my "transition day" to reflect, plan out the week, write, create content, and reconnect with myself, especially if I've had a busy social weekend. 

I also have a 1-hour, deep-dive phone call on Monday mornings with two of my closest friends where we mastermind together and share our personal & business desires, reflections and insights. A ritual we've continued for more than 8 years now.

What’s your Monday mood on this Moon Day? 🌓
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#soulnourishment⠀
#soulpreneur⠀
#speakercoach⠀
#spiritualbusiness⠀
#spiritualbusinesscoach⠀
#spiritualjourney⠀
#thankfulgratefulblessed⠀
#mondaymotivation
#mondaymood 
#intuitiveenergy
For a few years I've dreamed about leading an in-person retreat for my community. Has this been a desire or calling for you as well?

If so or even if you're just curious about retreats, you'll want to tune in to my delightful conversation with retreat planning expert Tamara Golden of @journeyworkretreats {link in bio}

We cover a ton of ground in just 30 minutes, including: 

 * The 3 elements that must go into every in-person retreat (including one that many retreat leaders leave out), so that your clients walk away with lasting transformation and results.

* What you need to have in place in your business before hosting a retreat.

* When is the right time to offer your first retreat (Tamara illuminates this "sweet spot" for many business owners).

* How to make money from leading an in-person retreat--including both short-term and long-term ways to bring in revenue.

While we don't know the outcome of this pandemic, Tamara believes (and I agree) that NOW is a great time to begin planning an in-person retreat. People are HUNGRY for more meaningful in-person gatherings, while Zoom fatigue is only growing. 

Listen in to our "all about retreats" conversation. {click on the link in my bio}

My vision is to create an in-person retreat for women entrepreneurs that is a mix of practical business-building stuff (speaking, visibility & messaging) along with fun, pleasure & play. Stay tuned, my friends…✨✨✨

#soulfulbusiness #soulfulbusinesscoach #retreatplanning #retreatleader #speakercoach #savvysoulfulsuccessful #speakshinesell
First day of middle school, 7th grade. How did this happen?!
Happy birthday to my amazing love 💕 Celebrating your kindhearted, fun-loving, soulful self is one of life’s greatest joys.
Recently I interviewed the fabulous @isabeldraughon, life transformation coach and spiritual mentor for ambitious women entrepreneurs. 

Isabel shares how women can connect to their inner power--what she calls "the loud whisper"--unleash their voice, and free themselves to live their most amazing life. 

Living in survival mode right before her 40th birthday, Isabel tells us about her 3 a.m. wake-up call that had her discover the truth of who she really is. She went on to become a two-time marathon runner and start her business, where she coaches and inspires her clients and community to tap into their "loud whisper."

✨Link in bio to listen to our conversation ✨

#soulpreneurs #soulfulbusiness #spiritualbusinesscoach #spiritualawakening #womenentrepreneurs #womenempoweringwomen #loudwhisper
The purpose of life is to know yourself and love yourself and trust yourself and be yourself. 

The older I get, the more I realize it truly is as simple as that. 

Wishing everyone a happy holiday time 🥰
Last night with this amazing man 💕Celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary ✨
Happiness is… getting together with a dear friend, longtime client and one of my founding Soulful Speaker members @omvalerie for a beach walk and lovely, nourishing connection time 💛

#soulpreneurs #womenempoweringwomen #soulfulbusiness #soulfulspeaking
Kian’s 6th grade promotion is what’s been happening in my world. It’s been his best year yet, despite Covid, and I’m so very grateful he was able to do in-person school with his friends and the most amazing teachers. 🙏✨💛
Recently, I got judgey with myself at a classy sales training with a wonderful mentor. 

Why am I not better at this? (We were doing a role-playing exercise.) Why is this feeling so hard? Why does SHE sound so much better than me?

Ugh, so confronting! 

Afterwards, I realized I wasn’t giving myself permission to SUCK. To be messy, unpolished and boldly out front with my not knowing. 

I was holding back my voice, as I wanted to come across as the cat’s meow and like I really had my sh*t together. 😯

So I had a pep talk with myself. 

I said: I’m still ok. I’m still a leader even though this moment feels hard and messy, and I feel like I should be further along than I am. (In fact, it seemed like most of the women in the training were struggling.) 

I said: There’s nothing wrong with me, and there’s no right or wrong way. I love myself, no matter what. 

And next time, I thought: I DO want to stretch myself, even if it’s just a little bit further out, and dare to SUCK! 

Happy Friday, everyone 💛 Where’s one place you’re wanting to edge out a bit beyond your comfort zone and maybe even dare to suck while doing it? 

#soulpreneur #soulfulbusiness #spiritualbusiness #soulfulspeaking #womensupportingwomen #daretosuck #ilovemyselfnomatterwhat
I LOVED my recent conversation with @peggylebo on OWNING the power of your true voice! 

Peggy is the founder of The True Voice Method, a singer-songwriter and vocal coach. 

She shared so many incredible insights on how women entrepreneurs can find and free their most authentic voices—and make their greatest impact. 

👉Go to the link in my bio and listen in! 

#soulpreneurs #womenempoweringwomen #spiritualbusiness #soulfulspeaking #truevoice #authenticmarketing #womensupportingwomen #highlysensitivewomen #savvysoulfulsuccessful
Just back from a luxuriant trip to the Bay Area visiting besties, playing and sinking in to Mother Nature. Pure food for my soul. 

What have you been doing lately that feeds and nourishes your soul? 

#soulnourishment #womeninbusiness #womenempoweringwomen #soulpreneurs #rejuvenationtime
Hooray! So happy to share an interview with my friend @christinemariehoward_ on her Radiant Achiever Show. Go to Christine’s bio to check it out. 

#soulpreneur #soulfulbusiness #soulfulspeaking #radiantachievement #womenempoweringwomen
Breakfast in bed from this big cutie pie and a long luxurious talk with my dear momma... a perfect start to the day 🌷 #happymothersday 🌷