“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.” -Unknown
Mark Twain once said, “Comparison is the death of joy,” and I agree.
Comparison is one of the most corrosive practices we humans do that keeps us stuck and puts us in a low vibration of limitation, lack and separateness—and, frankly, it’s terrible for our bottom line.
It’s a bad habit that I catch myself indulging in from time to time—probably more than I’d like to admit!
For example, I notice that it comes up often when I’m on Facebook, reading other coach’s emails and newsletters, or attending a networking event.
It’s that split-second moment when I walk into a room and start to size everyone up, evaluating whether I’m better than or worse than (or better off/worse off) than the others there.
I believe this is something we ALL do, whether we’re conscious of it or not!
My friend Sylvia Becker-Hill, who is a brilliant executive change strategist, says that creating a real connection with the people you interact with is one of the most important capabilities in business. But what interferes with feeling connected to others are these feelings of inferiority and superiority.
In other words, the ugly voice of comparison.
Here are a few tips that have tremendously helped me clear the comparison clutter from my mind.
My intention is that these tips help you quiet the destructive voice of comparison and expand your capacity—your attention, focus, energy and love—to living your dreams and the fulfillment of your heart’s desires in every area.
1) First off, become aware of it.
As one of my mentors is known for saying the #1 life mastery tool is to simply “Notice what you’re noticing.”
So when I catch the ugly voice of comparison coming up, I’ve learned to stop, pause, take a breath, and say, “Oh, there’s my old friend comparison again!”
Essentially, you’re saying, “I see you” to the thought without judging that it’s there. It’s only when we shine the light of awareness on what’s there can we transcend it.
2) Have compassion for yourself.
In the moment that you become aware of comparison, recognize that you’re human and that it’s such a common human tendency to evaluate yourself in relation to others. When you do that, you can then extend compassion toward yourself.
I love the Dalai Lama’s Loving Kindness Meditation.
First, extend the loving kindness toward yourself with these simple words:
May I be truly happy.
May I live in peace.
May I live in love.
May I know the power of forgiveness.
May I live in recognition that my life has deep meaning, and good purpose.
Then, extend the compassion toward the other person, especially the one that you’ve been comparing yourself with or judging in some way:
May you be truly happy.
May you live in peace.
May you live in love.
May you know the power of forgiveness.
May you live in recognition that your life has deep meaning, and good purpose.
3) Affirm the Truth about who you are.
The truth is, there is no competition. Ultimately, you are not seeking anything that is possessed by anyone else. So, the step here is to cultivate a sense of interconnectedness in our shared humanity and remind yourself that we truly are “all one.”
4) Cultivate an empowering mindset with empowering questions.
When the ugly voice of comparison pops its head up, once you’ve acknowledged it, shined the light of compassion on it and affirmed the truth of who you really are, then the final step is to ask yourself empowering questions. Here are a few examples:
What if I really believed the Universe was conspiring for my success? What if it really was in my corner arranging and aligning all things seen and unseen in my favor?
How would I live and love my day, my life, from this thought pattern?
Kindly leave a comment below and let me know how these tips have helped you. Also, feel free to share your own tips and strategies for quieting that voice of comparison.